There's someone here at work that has one eye that looks directly at the other one. I can never tell which one to look at when I try to make eye contact.
Thursday, June 27, 2002
Tactless.
Okay, I officially do not like one of my reps. Here's a tip, you get hooked up when you're nice to me. Quit this "I need you to...." and "I want this....." crap. I've tried to get the ball rolling by being nice to you, but it's not working, so I'll stop trying.
Just remember, I'm the Ruling Thing! Oh, and everyone else gets along with me famously. Including your boss.
Okay, I officially do not like one of my reps. Here's a tip, you get hooked up when you're nice to me. Quit this "I need you to...." and "I want this....." crap. I've tried to get the ball rolling by being nice to you, but it's not working, so I'll stop trying.
Just remember, I'm the Ruling Thing! Oh, and everyone else gets along with me famously. Including your boss.
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
Talk about specific.
My horoscope today is very specific.
A woman friend might take you on a drive through a rather ritzy community, perhaps to visit someone or attend a meeting. You will write in your blog about Nads and tomorrow you will remove some pesky leg hair dear Pisces, success is almost assured. Enjoy your day, Teeni!
Last night I tried out my new jar of Nads on Leon. He's got these patchy-patches of hair on his upper arms, much like misplaced leather elbow pads on a corduroy blazer. We decided to remove them.
Me: "Okay. This might hurt, ready?"
Leon: "Yeah."
RIIIP!
Me: "Did it hurt?"
Leon: "It hurt more than you'd think it would."
Me: "Oh, look. You're bleeding."
Next I try this on myself. Full report forthcoming.
My horoscope today is very specific.
A woman friend might take you on a drive through a rather ritzy community, perhaps to visit someone or attend a meeting. You will write in your blog about Nads and tomorrow you will remove some pesky leg hair dear Pisces, success is almost assured. Enjoy your day, Teeni!
Last night I tried out my new jar of Nads on Leon. He's got these patchy-patches of hair on his upper arms, much like misplaced leather elbow pads on a corduroy blazer. We decided to remove them.
Me: "Okay. This might hurt, ready?"
Leon: "Yeah."
RIIIP!
Me: "Did it hurt?"
Leon: "It hurt more than you'd think it would."
Me: "Oh, look. You're bleeding."
Next I try this on myself. Full report forthcoming.
Monday, June 24, 2002
Teeni in a Coma, I know, I know it's serious.
I've been so exhausted for the past week. Last night it finally caught up with me, because I slept from 8:30 pm - 6:30 am. And I'm feeling sleepy again. Eversince I caught a mysterious case of mono a couple of years ago, I get suspicious everytime I feel tired for more than a couple of days. In fact, I don't even buy that I had mono at all. Slpenomegaly, definitely. Mono, iffy. I don't remember being especially tired, sore throaty, or feverish. It was all a ploy to get at me gold!
I've been thinking of buying a car lately. Why are cars so expensive? I could go out and commit myself to some car payments for the next 6 years, or I can keep sinking money into the one that I have. It's all a ploy to get at me gold!
Later.
I've been so exhausted for the past week. Last night it finally caught up with me, because I slept from 8:30 pm - 6:30 am. And I'm feeling sleepy again. Eversince I caught a mysterious case of mono a couple of years ago, I get suspicious everytime I feel tired for more than a couple of days. In fact, I don't even buy that I had mono at all. Slpenomegaly, definitely. Mono, iffy. I don't remember being especially tired, sore throaty, or feverish. It was all a ploy to get at me gold!
I've been thinking of buying a car lately. Why are cars so expensive? I could go out and commit myself to some car payments for the next 6 years, or I can keep sinking money into the one that I have. It's all a ploy to get at me gold!
Later.
Friday, June 21, 2002
Leaky Fawcett: The new mental postcard.
The sink is busted and the water won't turn off. I just got my Visa bill and apparently two days past due date is considered "late" and they charge $30 bucks for that. The phone bill is at least $46 per month and we don't even use it that much. The cats won't stop shedding.
Sitting here at my desk listening to The Walkmen trying to hear what everyone else does, I figure things could be a lot worse. But they aren't, because I have you.
xoxoxo
The sink is busted and the water won't turn off. I just got my Visa bill and apparently two days past due date is considered "late" and they charge $30 bucks for that. The phone bill is at least $46 per month and we don't even use it that much. The cats won't stop shedding.
Sitting here at my desk listening to The Walkmen trying to hear what everyone else does, I figure things could be a lot worse. But they aren't, because I have you.
xoxoxo
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
The new craze: Test marketing.
Last weekend we test marketed French Dancing® at a party. Success! By the end of the night, several fussy individuals were making curly moustaches® all over the room until 4 am.
Other new crazes: 90 degree weather, how to get rid of dark under eye circles, wearing heeled mules with jeans, taking canolies, Leon's new haircut.
Oui.
Last weekend we test marketed French Dancing® at a party. Success! By the end of the night, several fussy individuals were making curly moustaches® all over the room until 4 am.
Other new crazes: 90 degree weather, how to get rid of dark under eye circles, wearing heeled mules with jeans, taking canolies, Leon's new haircut.
Oui.
Friday, June 14, 2002
Thursday, June 13, 2002
The new craze: Not stopping at crosswalks or stop signs.
Walking to my car this morning I went up to the crosswalk, saw that there were no cars at the intersection yet and began crossing. A car approached just as I was about to cross it's lane, but it kept going and stopped in the middle of the walk and past the stop line. I ended up face to face with the driver. She was obviously some kind of state worker. The window was down. She looked at me, suprised.
"Thanks for stopping!" I said.
"Well stay out of the damn strEET!" she retorted.
"I was on the crosswalk!!" I squealed.
She sped off, but I'll never forget that car.
I replayed the situation over and over in my mind. In each scenario I thought of more brazen ways to express my anger. Keying the car as I walked around it, kicking the back tail lights out, throwing a gooey smoothie at her back windsheild, writing her liscense plate down and reporting her as a wreckless driver to the police, I could have done any of these things. But I just got in my car, passed her later down the block and went on to work feeling defeated. Not knowing if she knew what she did was wrong is what really gets me. I mean, she has to know she was totally wrong first for not stopping before the stop sign, and second for not letting me cross, because I was already crossing before she even got to the intersection! Mostly, I feel defeated because I let the whole thing get under my skin. I wonder what she told her gaggle of cross stitch & needle point office friends at the coffee pot this morning.
Later.
Walking to my car this morning I went up to the crosswalk, saw that there were no cars at the intersection yet and began crossing. A car approached just as I was about to cross it's lane, but it kept going and stopped in the middle of the walk and past the stop line. I ended up face to face with the driver. She was obviously some kind of state worker. The window was down. She looked at me, suprised.
"Thanks for stopping!" I said.
"Well stay out of the damn strEET!" she retorted.
"I was on the crosswalk!!" I squealed.
She sped off, but I'll never forget that car.
I replayed the situation over and over in my mind. In each scenario I thought of more brazen ways to express my anger. Keying the car as I walked around it, kicking the back tail lights out, throwing a gooey smoothie at her back windsheild, writing her liscense plate down and reporting her as a wreckless driver to the police, I could have done any of these things. But I just got in my car, passed her later down the block and went on to work feeling defeated. Not knowing if she knew what she did was wrong is what really gets me. I mean, she has to know she was totally wrong first for not stopping before the stop sign, and second for not letting me cross, because I was already crossing before she even got to the intersection! Mostly, I feel defeated because I let the whole thing get under my skin. I wonder what she told her gaggle of cross stitch & needle point office friends at the coffee pot this morning.
Later.
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
The new dance craze: French dancing.
Three new dances to do while listening to the Frenchmen...
1. Stripey Shirt Dance
2. Waxing Moustache Dance
3. Straightening Beret Dance
If I were crafty, I would post mpegs of me demonstrating each dance, but I don't have the web space. If you want to be the lucky one to host these magical mpegs, let me know.
Fever.
Three new dances to do while listening to the Frenchmen...
1. Stripey Shirt Dance
2. Waxing Moustache Dance
3. Straightening Beret Dance
If I were crafty, I would post mpegs of me demonstrating each dance, but I don't have the web space. If you want to be the lucky one to host these magical mpegs, let me know.
Fever.
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
Hypo.
Friday I went to Leon's sister's engagement party. We brought Heather P. with us because she's old school. Anyway, it was fun. A lot of churchy, nice people were there. The best part however was Grace. Grace is a friend of Leon's mom and she's a total nut (Grace, not Leon's mom). Knowing this, I sat Heather and I down right next to her. I've told Heather all about Grace before, but never thought she'd get the chance to actually meet her. See, the thing about Grace is that she's uber health concious. She's one of those sensitive types that's all about not eating wheat, or is always talking about getting poisoned by toxins in regular everyday stuff. Well, the converstation was pretty much going nowhere until I started itching. There might have been some bugs out, or maybe some critters fell out of the tree on to me that I was sitting under. So Grace tells me to hit my chest three times and I won't itch anymore. So I do it, and okay, my arms don't itch but my back does. By this time, she's showing us how she prevents food allergies this way, Heather is about to crack up and I'm not doing much better. I decide to just keep asking questions. So I decided to get her going on accupressure and all this crazy stuff. Anything she mentions, I just egg her on..."tell me more about the time you were seriously ill, having been poisoned by break cleaner and no doctor could tell you what was wrong while you were swelling from the waist down because your stomach was leaking like a sive, throwing your liver into overdrive." All she had to do was start taking Glutamine, and she's all better just a week later. It was fantastic. God had brought us to meet her, that's what she told us. I'll have to show you the accupressure techniques later, they're really advanced. So far I've stopped all my allergies.
Later.
(ach-oo!)
Friday I went to Leon's sister's engagement party. We brought Heather P. with us because she's old school. Anyway, it was fun. A lot of churchy, nice people were there. The best part however was Grace. Grace is a friend of Leon's mom and she's a total nut (Grace, not Leon's mom). Knowing this, I sat Heather and I down right next to her. I've told Heather all about Grace before, but never thought she'd get the chance to actually meet her. See, the thing about Grace is that she's uber health concious. She's one of those sensitive types that's all about not eating wheat, or is always talking about getting poisoned by toxins in regular everyday stuff. Well, the converstation was pretty much going nowhere until I started itching. There might have been some bugs out, or maybe some critters fell out of the tree on to me that I was sitting under. So Grace tells me to hit my chest three times and I won't itch anymore. So I do it, and okay, my arms don't itch but my back does. By this time, she's showing us how she prevents food allergies this way, Heather is about to crack up and I'm not doing much better. I decide to just keep asking questions. So I decided to get her going on accupressure and all this crazy stuff. Anything she mentions, I just egg her on..."tell me more about the time you were seriously ill, having been poisoned by break cleaner and no doctor could tell you what was wrong while you were swelling from the waist down because your stomach was leaking like a sive, throwing your liver into overdrive." All she had to do was start taking Glutamine, and she's all better just a week later. It was fantastic. God had brought us to meet her, that's what she told us. I'll have to show you the accupressure techniques later, they're really advanced. So far I've stopped all my allergies.
Later.
(ach-oo!)
Friday, June 07, 2002
Are you following me?
Yesterday as I was leaving work, and pulling out of the parking lot, I reached a akward car moment where the COO of the company was leaving his parking spot in his posh, carte blanche carrying Mercedes. I could have either waited for him to pull out of the space, or I could have high-tailed it out of the lot. I decided to do the latter and ended up with him right behind me. Hoping I hadn't commited a tacky snafu, I drove on thinking he couldn't possibly be going towards midtown. But he did! Whoa. Well he couldn't possibly be passing up the I-5 exit. But he did! I began to imagine he was following me. Trailing my car in a fit of immature, reactionary anger for not letting him out of the parking lot first. So, he couldn't possibly be taking the 15th street exit! But he did! With my imagination getting the best of me, I ran the yellow light at the intersection and lost him completely.
Phew.
Yesterday as I was leaving work, and pulling out of the parking lot, I reached a akward car moment where the COO of the company was leaving his parking spot in his posh, carte blanche carrying Mercedes. I could have either waited for him to pull out of the space, or I could have high-tailed it out of the lot. I decided to do the latter and ended up with him right behind me. Hoping I hadn't commited a tacky snafu, I drove on thinking he couldn't possibly be going towards midtown. But he did! Whoa. Well he couldn't possibly be passing up the I-5 exit. But he did! I began to imagine he was following me. Trailing my car in a fit of immature, reactionary anger for not letting him out of the parking lot first. So, he couldn't possibly be taking the 15th street exit! But he did! With my imagination getting the best of me, I ran the yellow light at the intersection and lost him completely.
Phew.
Thursday, June 06, 2002
Fun with AltaVista translator.
English to French:
Les Français enlèvent les deux semaines suivantes pour écrire des chansons. Je travaille à un au sujet d'une colonie de vacances spéciale pour de mini jupes. Vous serez soufflés parti à notre prochaine exposition. Plus tard.
French translation to English:
The French remove the two following weeks to write songs. I work with one about a special vacation camp for mini skirts. You will be puffed up party with our next exposure. Later.
Original:
The Frenchmen are taking the next two weeks off to write songs. I am working on one about a special summer camp for mini skirts. You will be blown away at our next show. Later.
English to French:
Les Français enlèvent les deux semaines suivantes pour écrire des chansons. Je travaille à un au sujet d'une colonie de vacances spéciale pour de mini jupes. Vous serez soufflés parti à notre prochaine exposition. Plus tard.
French translation to English:
The French remove the two following weeks to write songs. I work with one about a special vacation camp for mini skirts. You will be puffed up party with our next exposure. Later.
Original:
The Frenchmen are taking the next two weeks off to write songs. I am working on one about a special summer camp for mini skirts. You will be blown away at our next show. Later.
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
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