Stick a straw in it.



The only thing that can fix this mess I'm in is a mint chocolate chip milkshake. Either that or the Tandem bar that's in the freezer. I'm hoping no one else knows that it's there. Just in case, you know. If I need it or something.

Me: Hi.
Leon: Hi.
Me: I want ice cream.
Leon: Ice cream?
Me: Yeah. There's an ice cream bar in the freezer here, should I take it?
Leon: Doesn't it belong to someone?
Me: No.
Leon: Are you sure?
Me: Yes! It's left over from a potluck.
Leon: Go for it.

So I went to the freezer and the ice cream is gone. Even the old, melty-resolidified ice cream in the Dryer's tub is gone.

I'm absolutely crazy; I called my boyfriend to tell him this and now I'm writing it down.

Go Fly a Kite.

On Sunday we went to a kite show in Berkeley with Leon's mom (her idea). Okay, I admit that it was kind of neat at times. Some of the kite flyers were pretty talented with their coreographed flights. Other times the whole thing was just out right laughable. Some highlights:

3. This guy's music "Hero" by Bette Middler, kept skipping over the PA during his routine.

2. This thing:


1. A guy who's kite routine included three Nagel printed kites:

Each kite did a dance to Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman." Between each segment, he did a dance and a lip synch himself for the audience. We were elated to see a grown man go from "Billie Jean," to "YMCA" in 5 seconds flat.
Unfortunately we did not stay long enough to find out if he placed in the "Hot Tricks" category.

The sunburns, the crowds, the traffic. It was all worth it.

Economical Drunk.



It doesn't take much to get me drunk. Last night I had two and a half beers and woke up this morning with a hangover. I hit the snooze several times and declaired I was too sick to work. In my slumber, I dreamed that I called in sick to work. In the dream I went bike riding around Sacramento with my pyjama pants on, riding in circles around the Banana Splits, totally paranoid the whole time that I would get caught playing hookey. I came home and had tons of messages from work on my answering machine because I forgot to change my voicemail message to say that I was out of the office. When I woke up at 7:20am, I decided that I felt better and should probably go into work. So I came in at 9 instead of 8 today and lucky that...or I wouldn't have found a copy of Crossroads free for the taking on the kitchen table!

De French Mode



I hope it went over well. I couldn't hear a damn thing, so I stopped playing at one point. I hope no one noticed, but I'm sure they did. No one besides everyone else who was on stage told me that they liked us.
Worst show ever.

You will be puffed up party at our next exposure.

Unfortunate events.



Dear Lemony Snicket. STOP I wish to inform you that I've been recently obsessed with the Baudelaire orphans. STOP I've been devouring their stories of woe and misfortune at an alarming rate of one series per day. STOP At this rate, I shall run out of terrible tales to read. STOP It is with this in mind that I urge you to continue this miserable serial. STOP
Sincerely, Teeni Santini-Saunders
END

I'm annoying



True or false?
Sometimes I say annoying things that I shouldn't.
True.

True or false?
Sometimes I regret the things I say or do.
True.

True or false?
Sometimes everybody has these feelings because afterall, we are all only human.
True, I think.

I'm sorry I yelled at you in my sleep.



I don't remember a thing about it. I'm a funny sleeper, you're lucky you can sleep next to me everynight. It's like a weekly comedy act. Except I'm sleeping and you're my only audience.

Some funny things I've done while sleeping:
Put on four pairs of panties.
Yelled at you.
Navigated a veritable obsticle course to the bed without falter.
Said some incoherent things.
Kicked or maybe punched you.

Some of these things could be construed as violent or maybe even aggressive. I assure you that they're all pure comedy. Like, I'm totally sleeping!

In Celery



I hope we get this one, in celery color.

Stare at the sun.



I'm either getting another respiratory infection or I'm getting allergies. Last night I got a stuffy nose, this morning I woke up with a sore throat, and since I've been at work I've sneezed about 5 times. Please, oh please gods of sneeze....don't let it be me again.

Uggh.



Dude. You ask me questions that you already know the answers to. And questions that you really don't know the answers to are just stupid. All you do is talk talk talk. You leave a week's worth of lunch bags in the fridge. We're telling your wife that you don't like apples. Then you spell everything wrong and never use spell check. When my boyfriend does that it's cute. But in this industry, you should pay more attention. You also have terrible taste in design. Believe it or not, in a visual industry such as this one, that's bad!

Standing inside of a jewelery box.



We found a bridesmaid dress that she likes. We like it too, but it's so bridesmaidy that the only other time I'll be able to wear it is the next time that I'm standing inside of a jewelery box. When you're a bridesmaid, you have to resign yourself to the fact that you'll never, ever wear that dress again. No matter what.

Truman.



Some other things that you wrote and I love:

"She was not afraid of thunder, nor of anything else - except unreturned love and commercial success."

"But for me I could leave the world with today in my eyes."

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have."

H is for: Hey you're late for work!



I woke up an hour late this morning. Rushed around, trying to find something to wear. Everything I have is dirty, wrinkled, sweated in, or covered in cat hair. I think I'm supposed to do laundry, but I know I've got one more good wear out of that black tee shirt.
Clean panties count: several pairs.
I've reached the point where I've stopped worrying about the new car and have begun worring about the old car. Apparently I have to smog it before I can sell it. Unless my sister buys it, but she won't be able to fix the breaks. I should just junk the whole thing. It's not worth it.

Spelling Bee Dream



Last night I had a dream that I was watching a spelling bee. A girl stands up and one of the judges gives her a word.
Judge: "Sha fa fa."
Girl: "Sha fa fa. S-h-a f-a f-a. Sha fa fa." Then she starts singing: "Don't give me that frim fram sauce. I want sha fa fa on the side!"
And then I switched dreams and forgot all about it until just now. I had to stop working to write this down.

Like a Tilt-a-Whirl that wakes you up in the wee morning hours.



It seems as if I'm writing huge check everytime I turn around. I should have known what I was getting into before I got into it. I'm a wreck, but driving around in a new car. Twisting guts and all. I wake up in the wee morning hours fretting about not having any extra money to do fun things with. Sure, I've got a car to take me places now, but I haven't any money to spend when I get there.
(....)
That's the sound of the change jingling in my pocket. Oh wait, there isn't any.

Uh-oh, I'm broke.



I just bought this yesterday.

Now I have to try to sell somthing like this. Yesterday. Want a sweet station wagon?



It's cheap!

A touch of civic duty.



Rejected by the County of Sacramento Municipal Courts again. There are so many people who don't want to be on jury duty. Can't I just switch with them? Remember last time? I said that I could not trust the statements of a law enforcement officer. I made that up. Now somebody pick me.

A touch of whimsy.



If I had known that this record would have gone so over well during my Beatles revival last year, I would have begun a Kinks revival on the west steps of the capitol building.
This is the soundtrack for today.
Nothing else.