Sunday, October 25, 2009

10/24/09



This is from yesterday. Blogger wouldn't let me post from email.

It's Ira's birthday-eve. My boy turns 3 tomorrow! Ladies, lock up your daughters.

Ready to get serious? I've been feeling so helpless in the midst of everything going on with my mom. On my way into the hospital this evening, I see two other women who are possibly living within the same scary waiting pattern. I recognize something in their faces that tells me this. One, zombie-like, waddling towards the hospital entrance, wearing an expression of exhaustion and pain. Another, drivng out of the parking lot, nervously chewing on one hand and steering with the other. And here I am: somewhere between them.. This is possibly the most helpless I've felt in my life. It's nerve wracking and excrutiatingly painful to me. Can't imagine how mom feels.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The worst possible thing


Parents
Originally uploaded by riblet.

Mom is still in the hospital, but hopefully will be able to leave soon. It's been a crazy last few days. Lot of worry, lots of crying and doctors, nurses, labyrinth-like hospital halls. What started as a trip to the ER because of a bad fall and what we thought was associated confusion and memory loss, turned into CANCER WATCH 2009. Several tests showed 3 tumors in mom's brain and some swelling related to one of them, which is causing the confusion and memory loss. So much waiting for now. We'll know more later about the actual diagnosis and treatment options later. I hate this.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

In hospital







It sounds so exotic to say "in hospital" like they do on BBC News. Really, I'm at a hosptial, visiting my mom who is in the hospital as we Americans say. She had a bad fall (that I only recently found out about) a couple of weeks ago. In the last three days, she's been suffering bouts of total confusion. I just heard her tell the physical therapist that she was 91 years old (she's 61). It seems to be intermittent though. Earlier this morning, she seemed to be present. An array of tests, xrays ct scans and an MRI were run. So far there seems to be an indication of a small mass in or on her brain and some swelling. Once the MRI tests come back, we should know more. Right now it's a whole lot of waiting, in hospital. I just want to talk to a doctor, but it's Sunday and they seem to be so elusive.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Casting call


Oh man. What a day yesterday. It all started off fine, but if you can tell by the way we're looking in this picture, things went bad around noon and just continued to get worse and then they got better again.

Ira broke his arm at preschool yesterday. He apparently fell off of a ledge around the play structure, which is about a foot off the ground. He landed on his right arm and it just fractured a little. I wasn't there at the time, but showed up to get him about five minutes later. As soon as I held him, I knew something was wrong. It wasn't just at bump. I rushed him home to get some ice on it and to call the pediatrician. Luckily I was able to get him in to see the doctor just an hour later. This is where the stress level just spiked up! Ira has a super bad fear of his doctor and is prone to throwing MONUMENTAL tantrums there. It's embarrassing, sad and frustrating to handle on just regular check up visits, but to actually have to see the doctor for a broken arm just sent him through the roof! I was crying, he was screaming mad and the doctor kept her cool, but I could tell she just wanted to get through to him. It took a long time, but she finally got him to calm down so they could put a splint on his arm and from there, we went for x-rays. The visit to the radiologist went much more smoothly and we were sent on our way to wait for results. A couple of hours later we found out that he did have a small fracture on the elbow. Fortunately, the break was not out of alignment and we were able to land an early morning trip to the orthopedics office. The rest of the night, Ira was in great spirits. He ate well, he laughed, he talked to a bunch of relatives about his broken arm and honestly, I think he was taking it all better than me.

Then, after dinner, I got a phone call. It was a tentative state job offer. The real offer comes on Monday, after they verify my eligibility. I think they want me to start next week. Did you hear that? After three years of not working, I AM GOING BACK TO WORK. Probably. I mean, I do have to wait until Monday to be sure. I didn't even know how to react, so I did what anyone who just had a day with a 3 year old with a broken arm would do, I politely accepted the job offer, hung up and burst into a geyser of tears. I still feel pretty torn about it. One one hand, having a job will allow us to afford the fancy preschool that Ira is signed up to start in January. But on the other hand, I'm incredibly sad to end my time at home with him. I'm also majorly stressing about what I'll be struggling to get done at home while I'm at work all day. Nutritious vegetarian meals won't cook themselves! I'm also worried about the trip we have planned next month. I am not sure if my new employer will sanction a week off in my first month and a half of work.

This morning, Ira got his cast. It was still tough to get him to sit still and stay calm for the doctor, but I was super glad Leon was there with his magic iphone and mellow dad vibes. Before long, he had Ira completely absorbed in a game and the doctor was able to get the cast on very quickly. The doctor said that the fracture is pretty minor and probably doesn't even hurt as bad as when he first fell. In fact, they are going to remove it in ten days! After our appointment, it really started to sink in that holy crap, I'M GOING BACK TO WORK, so I took Ira to the train museum for a couple of hours. This is something that we're totally not going to be able to do often when I am working. Sigh.

My poor baby and his cast! He looks so, so pathetic. But his mood is great. Kids in casts are probably sadder than dead baby seals. Moms crying in the shower because they have to start leaving their kids in daycare is a pretty close second.