You have something on your face

There's nothing Ira loves more than rainbow sherbet from Gunther's. Well, except potty humor. Ready for Ira's favorite funny? Wait for it.....

"A horse with a fish butt."

An avalanche of giggles follow. Come on, it's a little bit funny, right?

Oh, hi. Sorry, been hiding.

I don't blog for a while and then I start to procrastinate under the pressure to get caught up.

There hasn't been much in the way of events. We did go to Las Vegas for J's birthday. It was my first time there and it was pretty much exactly how I expected: hot, loud, crowded, gaudy and expensive. But also kind of fun in that "when in Rome" way.

And now for some Las Vegas themed stats:
Buffets eaten at - 0
Yard-long drinks consumed - 1 (from Coyote Ugly no less, the UGLY STICK)
Boobs in the style of beef jerky seen - 1 set (never wished I could unsee something)
Fights witnessed - 1 (a dude hitting a woman)
Celebrity sighting - 1 (LADY GAGA at the Venetian!)
Girls in prom attire - 1,000 if there were a dozen.
Profession of love from strange men received - 1
Money spent gambling - $0! (why gamble when you can get ripped off by so many other things?)
Hours driven round trip - 18, no joke.
Minds completely "asploded" from watching Cirque Du Soleil's Beatles Love show - 2 (at least mine and Leon's)

Next time I want to get the drink that is half my height and requires a neck strap to carry it.

A few laughs

Ira is one of the funniest guys I know. Here are a couple of good ones.

Ira: If you want to wear a coconut shirt [bra], you have to have big nipples like this [demonstrates international sign for boobs].

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Me to Ira: Come on, Levy! Step on it!
Ira: Mama, what I step on?

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Ira to us: You want to see my aimer gun? It cost FIVE ONE HUNDRED MONEY.

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Ira: I got a cool movie. You want to see it? Here, look at my iPod [shows me his empty hands]. That's cool, right?

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Ira to his teacher: I'm allergic to my last banana [after finishing half of it].

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Ira singing: You got blood on your face, making me trace, dun-uh-nuh-nuh all over the place. We will, we will rock you!

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Ira: You want to hear my recipe? If you put salt and sugar on a quesadilla, that's called Chowder Sprinkles.

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Ira singing: Butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt! [Sung to the tune of the All Things Considered theme.]

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Ira while taking a midnight pee: "Pigs can't build houses."

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Chilling out

Hot dog
Originally uploaded by riblet.

Been a little stressed lately, for the usual reasons: dead people, work, parenting. I probably haven't been dealing with it effectively. I know this because I can get a little panicky. Some mysterious abdomen pains had me cruising over to WebMD to research the source. I should seriously be banned from this Website. A few minutes and several clicks through the Symptom Checker is the best way to make me overwhelmingly paranoid about my health. The good news: I'm still alive and I'm probably rather healthy. Phew. That was a close one!

I've written about Ira's picky eating before. It's my fault, really. If you plan on feeding a baby someday, DO NOT BUY SUPER BABY FOODS BY RUTH YARON. Instead, spend your money on Hungry Monkey by Matthew Amster-Burton. The picky eating in our house continues to be an issue. We read a book a while back that encourages parents of picky eaters to just serve healthy food and if the picker eats it, fine if not, they wait until the next meal. It's like the "cover your ass" method of business. "Well, I did my part..." While it sounds like a brilliant and obvious strategy, employing it was excruciatingly difficult. Hungry kid whines and cries (different from bratty kid whines and cries) are too painful for me. I usually give in. Ultimately, I didn't have the heart to stick it out and Ira still gets separate meals than us. It pretty much sucks. For me, because I make two dinners, two lunches and two breakfasts. For Ira, because he misses out on awesome things like beans and pizza. He won't try them, the crazy kid! And my beans are good. Not to brag, but they are kind of legendary. It's the truth.

However, I feel inspired to start the one healthy meal, take it or leave it plan again. This is why: yesterday, Ira came home with a mostly-full lunch box and a wet shirt. I asked Leon what was up with the shirt and before he could fully answer, Ira grabbed a fist of shirt at the neck, stuffed it in his mouth and began to chew. The shirt was wet from neck to the bottom hem. Gross. He filled up on shirt instead of the nice lunch I made for him.

Have a kid, they're great®.